OMG…it has been too long since I’ve “spoken” to my lovely readers and truthfully, since I’ve looked back at my blog. If you know me, then you know that I am on a journey of discovering myself, learning what it means to self-love and figuring out what the heck I want to do with my life.
Well, honestly it is a never-ending journey for most of us. Even when we reach that peak of our goal, we find ourselves wanting to expand and take on even more, always testing the limits of our being. I’m going to be honest with y’all…I have been lost and I’ve been scared. I was doing great, working and writing different self-care rituals for you all and somewhere in the mix, I lost touch with myself and my passions. I let external factors distract me from my true purpose and in turn, found myself at a confusing crossroads of my current job and life and where I see myself in the near future. I also experienced a death in the family, and that loss of familiar energy took a toll on me spiritually. With ALL of that running through my mind, I was completely blocked. There was no way I could give any self-love and self-care advice to you all if I was not practicing this myself.
After a small breakdown and what I realize now was a breakthrough, I finally feel free enough to open up again to you all.
*Takes deep breath*
This has by far been the most challenging, eye-opening and explorative year of my life. I turned a 1/4 of a century (25!), visited my number 1 dream place – California ❤ and I went skydiving!! Peep the blog pic. Which brings me to the point of this blog post.
Fear. Self-doubt. Worry.
These three emotions are so freaking strong that they grab ahold of our conscious mind and if we let them, make ourselves believe that we are limited in anything we wish to accomplish. I have periods where I’m feeling great – doing yoga daily, meditating, writing a story and then I’ll have moments of doubt and sadness and wonder why the hell I’m doing this in the first place. It’s like I’ll reach a milestone and then that little naggy voice of fear comes along and starts questioning me: Are you sure you can do this? But what about x,y, and z factors…” and so on. The mind can be a dangerous playground – sometimes it helps and other times it’s harmful. But what we have to remember is that fear itself is not real, it’s just energy reacting to what we want most. We know , internally, what we want to do and accomplish and even though we are very much capable of the “impossible” we will stop ourselves before we can make any real progress.
Why do we allow these thoughts? Because we’re human – and they will come up whether we like it or not. But we can control our reaction to them, rather than push down our nervousness or anxiousness to make it disappear – which actually makes it worse – we should try to acknowledge those feelings then let that energy flow through us until it’s gone. And guess what’s on the other side of that? Peace, knowing, understanding, love, excitement, joy, etc!!
I was scared af to skydive, but I knew that it was something I had always wanted to do and now the opportunity had presented itself before me. After some self-coaching and saving $$, I asked myself, “will you sink or will you fly?”
And I flew. Together with my best friends and family, we conquered something unimaginable together. We were powerful. I let go because I HAD to see what was on the other side of that fear. And you know what was waiting for me? Peace. The floating back down to the earth was peaceful & serene. My friends were waiting for me with infectious smiles and an exciting joy in their eyes as I landed safely to my feet, supported by the ground. And I realized, wow…this was within me the whole time. What was I scared of again? All I could think of was that I couldn’t wait to do it again. I embraced fear that day, and she greeted me with open arms. I hugged her in the wind and then I broke through and landed into a revised version of myself. We all did.
So , with all of that being said (and if you read through all of that, kuddos!) I write this to let you know that it is okay to be afraid – fear is simply energy – it’s energy that we can take with us, harness and then burst through to make it to the other side. Do you notice whenever you’re scared to do something, you’re also secretly bubbling with the thought of…what if I actually do this? There’s a thin line between fear…excitement and purpose. Pay attention to it, my friend.
As for my beloved blog, I want to try some new things and I hope you’ll stick around to discover that with me. I decided that I really do want to be a writer as it’s always the thing I’ve gone back to in my life. I want to publish fiction novels and write, direct and produce for television and films. I don’t know how I’ll get there yet but I know that this was step 1: Acceptance, Acknowledgement, Awareness.
Please continue to follow me on my journey and stay tuned for some cool creative writing prompts that I will post! Practice makes perfect 🙂